我走在每天必须面对的分岔路exactly depicts the range of emotions I have been going through for the past few weeks. I wish I was a 3 year old kid again. Life used to be waaaaaaay simpler. My only worry back then was wondering how the heck I can write my name right: "廖燕斌" instead of "廖燕文武". Rough life.
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
Daily, I face crossroads ahead
I reminiscent about past innocence, bliss and happiness
Adulthood on the other hand is just filled with deadlines and bills to pay off. If I was this parent, I'd shoot myself. (Sorry, I got sidetracked. Having spent the past 10 hours writing papers and case analysis, my attention span is hair-wired.)
Anyway, as graduation looms, I'm suddenly inundated with indecision as to whether I should stay or leave Canada. Funny how the brain works. Two weeks ago, I was adamant that I will live the North American life for the next three years. I've been thinking seriously about heading home since then. The thing with being this globalized is that I sometimes feel like I don't have a sense of belonging anywhere in the world.
Anyway, as graduation looms, I'm suddenly inundated with indecision as to whether I should stay or leave Canada. Funny how the brain works. Two weeks ago, I was adamant that I will live the North American life for the next three years. I've been thinking seriously about heading home since then. The thing with being this globalized is that I sometimes feel like I don't have a sense of belonging anywhere in the world.
Here's a hypothetical situation I've been pondering over: If - IF - Malaysia is to be so unfortunate as to have a repeat of May 13,1969, where should I seek refuge?
- Being 3.5th* generation Chinese in Malaysia means that I'm not "pure" Chinese. I highly doubt that the P.R.C will take me in.
- New Zealand hasn't been home for the past five years, and is henceforth irrelevant.
- Even after 7 months in Prague, my typical response to someone speaking a string of Czech to me is, "Pardon, třebaže mluvím trochu český ale nerozumím. Prosím vás, mluvíte anglický ?" [Translation: Excuse me, even though I speak a little Czech, I don't understand. Please, do you speak English?"] If the person responds with a "No" (which, mind you, means "yes" in Czech), the conversation goes on. More often than not, they usually respond with a shrug. So no. I probably won't survive the Czech life.
Which leaves me Canada. I remember the times I spent back in Malaysia during the summer months. Friends thought I was putting on a show with my North American accent (sidenote: the Manglish does somewhat return after three weeks in Malaysia.) New friends think I'm an ABC (American-Born Chinese). Americans think I'm Canadian. Canadians think I'm local ... until I say things like "full-stop" instead of "period" - this happened barely 5 hours ago in my group meeting today.
The question still stands: Where in the world should Yan go?
I guess I'll just have to leave it up to fate; return back to 3 years ago when my life's philosophy was,"I'll go where the wind takes me."
I guess I'll just have to leave it up to fate; return back to 3 years ago when my life's philosophy was,"I'll go where the wind takes me."
我相信一切都会平息Note*: My reasoning on this equation arouse from a somewhat complicated background: I'm 2nd generation Malaysian Chinese from my mom's side, but 5th on my dad's side of the family.
I believe everything will calm down
